░MR•NICE•GUY•░

"..there comes a time when you have to choose: turning the page or closing the book"



It's been almost three years since then, since my dull, boring life was drastically altered by a certain Mr nice guy. I never got the chance to see him again after that, but my friends claim they still do, at random times, at random places. But unlike my old self 3years ago, things about him doesnt interest me anymore. For d longing for the day that he would return my feelings no longer exists. Already a HAS BEEN.
And everything which hurts me then seems like nothing but a distant past now. In mists, BLISSFULLY FORGOTTEN.


For i am no longer the girl who is stupidly longing for his affection. She's gone. Already a HISTORY.

Love do fades
ABSOLUTELY.

But until now, there would still be the times that ld sit and reminisce the bitter-sweet memories about the guy i used to call MR NICE GUY.. the guy who used to occupy a great part of me, the guy,who's up to now,is still oblivious about the fact that sometime in the past, he had drastically changed someone's life.

But unlike before, i can now think about him and his memories without any tinge of bitterness at all. For i can say now that i have already HEALED, that i was OVER
with my mad feelings for him.

For i've long

grown tired of

longing and waiting

for that certain STAR

to FALL into

my HANDS

But then, i cant deny the fact that he would always be

a PART

OF ME,

a PART OF

MY LIFE

But he's no longer

a part of NOW,

nor wont be a

part of

TOMORROW,

JUST a

PART from

the PAST.

I first saw him during the Community Health Nursing orientation in Palagay. I guess i had been totally mesmerized by his boyish face that i didnt realized that i had been staring at him for quite a long time already from the school bus i was in. He must have felt it for he look into my direction,still laughing from whatever prattle he's having with his classmates. With a brow lifted inquiringly, eyes lighted with humor, his gaze lingers curiously into my dumbfounded face and I literally forgot how to breath for a couple of seconds time, startled, i felt a rush of blood on my face due to the humiliation of being caught off guard. His laughing eyes held mine and i quickly terminate the contact with an indifferent look i managed to wear behind a face burning in shame.

CHN duties
Mid evaluation
Academic classes
Quizzes
exams
return demos
family problems
personal struggles..

Ive been quite busy with my sophomore life that i had somehow unconsciously forgotten that guy and that certain incident in Palagay..

First semester has finally ended

Enrollment for the second semester started

While lining up before the nursing office one day..i find myself suddenly frozen, caught in delighting suprise..i wasnt expecting my initial reaction upon seeing him but i was suddenly tachycardic. My heart starts to misbehave and tend
to pump harder than usual..

Unexpectedly, after so many months of absence,of life w/o the sight of that remarkably friendly face, i saw him again. He was there, standing just several meters away from me, in flesh and blood, so vividly alive. Clad in a pretty pink and white crisp poloshirt, his hair neatly gelled up, he can help but stands out among the crowd. He's with his friends. A girl beside him says something and he started laughing heartily. His eyes beaming with joy and he looks so beautiful. Seeing his familiar irresistable grin, my heart is barely controllable from somersaulting by then.

"psst.. si __ o.. uyy...." i heard a bunch of girls giggling while exchanging knowing glances and looking at his direction with delighted looks upon their eyes..

okey, so he's the familiar _______, a quite popular figure in the university for one year ago, he bagged the Mr Nursing title. (im just not familiar with his face because i belong to the night classes when i was a freshman)

..We had already finished the first step of enrollment. The sectioning has been alphabetized, so some from the section E where i am belong to, were moved to section D. And my friends and I have been included..

A thought
flickers

in an instant..

his surname..


OMG!


Then that

would mean....

Semestral break is OVER..

Second semester has BEGUN,


And we become classmates, I and Mr Nice Guy.

Now i get to see him everyday and i get to learn more about him as days pass by. And i cant help but to be more fond of him because he's everything a girl would dream of:

He's nice..

sweet

fun to be with

he smiles a lot..

he's friendly

easy to be with

he talks with sense

he has that expressive brown eyes

he's humble

simple

intelligent

charming

laidback

a perfect gentleman


and so he became
the epitome of
my IDEAL GUY..


But then eventhough he's friendly by nature,i still find it hard to befriend him..i am so painfully shy then.. So conscious with myself when he's around.. So ive created an invisible wall between us..for me to be able to guard my feelings from being known. And to be able to guard mine as well.

I thought id easily get rid of the distracting feelings eventually. Thats just how it has always been for me anyway. But then I WAS WRONG. As days, weeks,months pass by, the then simple crush i have for him had eventually intensified to the point that it became an obsession. Obsession that i know wasn't healthy for me and yet i cant seemed to get over it, and i know I DONT WANT TO.
.


It was kind of a crazy for everyday, before leaving for school--like a silly girl inlove-- i'd make a list of signs for me to know if he's 'the one'. Signs which i know he could possibly do or possess, kinda crazy and stupid,eh?)

And everyday after school i'd put into writings whatever happened the whole day..small things like how he looks so cute in his checkered poloshirt, how his gelled hair complements his beautiful face,
how captivating his refreshing woody scent is, the every shift of his mood, the every look on his face that i managed to steal oblivious from him, how it made me utterly happy whenever i catch him randomly (maybe unconsciously) glancing at me,
and the small gentlemanly things that he do which absolutely put me in the verge of uncontained glee. These are all well-documented in my-- now this is going to be embarrassing--DIARY!
yes, diary. I just feel like everyday is worth treasuring and remembering THEN so i opt to have one.


Every now and then--just like an old cliché--upon opening my eyes in the morning and before closing them at night, he's there, running constantly on my mind.
The thoughts of him and the sound of his voice never fail to distract me too often than usual all throughout the day.


My 'used-to-drag-months' swiftly passed by..

A star gazing activity for our Physics class was scheduled
And I never imagined that It would be one of my most memorable and kilig-filled night ive ever had.

We arrived at the neust palayan
campus in the same jeepney.
Though he has his own circle of friends, he chose to sit with mine upon arriving there and
setting our things in the vast, grassy ground.

He seldom hang out with us, so eventhough hes not really a close friend of ours, it seems like hes genuinely comfortable hanging out with us already.
(err, Us minus I, i mean)

They talk about sort
of things.. He laughs with them
, teases them, throws jokes at them while there
i was,making
myself busy
playing games
on my mobile phone because
eventhough we had been
classmates for a couple of
months now i still cant
find myself when he's around. Im always
running out of words, struggling with my diction and trying hard to keep from stammering whenever the situation calls for me to talk to him.


Then darkness comes ..
we were there
basked under
the cloudless, star-filled
sky..

i was lying on hazel's tummy..
consciously aware of his presence, painfully aware of his every movement. Then i was caught in suprise when he sweetly asks her if he could also lie on her lap..

My heart suddenly went into somersault..that made him so near me. His head is in lined with my left arm and our shoulders were only inches away from each other..
i dont know but right at that certain moment on that particular sparkly night, i felt so...strangely, utterly happy.


"ui, peram
naman ng
celepono,"
he suddenly utters after
i momentarily check the time in my phone. I hand him my then nokia 6630 with a faint smile written on my face. He started fiddling with it..

"taas naman ng
Highscore na to..
Maibreak
nga
"
he brags

"cge nga.."
was my reply, with lips curved in a hardly suppressed smile. Hes just so adorable by half. I then started to feel more comfortable talking to him. And more secured because with the aid of the darkness, i know he won't be able to see how my smiles mirrored his. Or how my eyes glow while staring at his soft, expressive eyes. (i was positioned against the light so my face has been concealed)

Every now and then, he'd
Look at me and flashes his pearly whites while bragging
about his score. I cant forget
how happy i was that night, how my pulse races, how my heart thumps or how often i smile unconsciously to myself. Like a crazed.


I came to realize it right then,

i was already
fallin for
Mr Nice guy.
Almost halfway
there..
So i silently
kept my fingers crossed that our
feelings are
mutual..


Suddenly those gentlemanly things he has done to me came flashing and my wistful mind cant help but paint another color into them..

But then my
wistful
thinking
has ended
swiftly..
Like a dream that has been interrupted by a sudden, loud noise from the real world..

IN REALITY..

He started flirting with her .. the prettiest
girl in class..And dang it, they look
so perfect together.
And i knew it right then that i had already lost
the fight eventhough it hasnt yet started.

...
Realization flooded into me then like a cold gush of water that eventually left my skin cold and tingling. PAINFULLY NUMB. I came to realize how stupid it am to assume that he feels the same way too, that our feelings are mutual.

Now i know, he's just being friendly. He's gentlemanly gestures, he's sweet smiles are just natural to him and they mean nothing. So it was really absurd to assume something special about them.

It pains to notice but to her, i know it's quite different. Theyre not mere 'just-friends' gestures.

they were distinctly SPECIAL,
for they shoot SPARKS.

There was this one time that i cant forget how insanely jealous i had been upon seeing him sitting with her during our physics class.. how his eyes twinkle, how gleeful his laughs were and those sweet smiles on his lips..Its definitely different, like if it is a candy bar,his smile to me and the others would be like a pretzel barely coated in cocoa chocolate while that to her,it's so sweet it would be like the finest chocolate coated caramel dipped in sugar and honey.

i know that
it's CRAZY..

it's INSANE..

it's STUPID..

The feeling of bitterness
the feeling of self-pity
the feeling of loathing
and the pang of jealousy..

i cant help but feel these sort
of painful emotions while staring enviously at them, my eyes were stinging, already in the brink of tears. It took me a lot of effort to hold back those irrational, hot liquids from falling and try my hardest to look and sound genuinely unaffected when a friend leaned over me and whispered something about them.. But deep inside, i feel like a kid wailing on the floor.
It feels like my favorite and most cherished toy has been stolen or the thing i was saving money on and i so wanted to buy has been snatched by someone effortlessly and for free..It feels like my heart is being stabbed by hundreds of fine needles..

It's indeed painful,
LITERALLY.

I shook my head and realized how stupid i had been..how i once assumed that he is the one for me.. That we're meant..

WISTFUL THINKING...

i guess he would
ALWAYS BE LIKE THAT

a STAR that seems
so near and yet
so far....

but then with a hint of hope still burning in the deepest pit
of my heart, i continued waiting longingly for that star to fall into my hands..To bring back the light to my suddenly obscured, darkened world..

-SEMBREAK-

I miss him so much that it hurts..

During the
enrollment..
My eyes were busy looking for a sign of him when suddenly, i heard someone saying:


"Nagshift na c __ to Accountancy, enrolled na sya sa W-UP"

Those were words from our common friend. Her whispered voice was barely audible but it came like a roll of muffled thunder to my ears.

NO!
he cant be!

He made my heart broken,yes--so broken that it made me feel like i wont be able to love another guy the way i love him-- but still i am absolutely positive that i cant live my life without him,
without the light of his smiles
, without his constant presence, without my Mr Nice guy.


i know
my life,
without him,

from then
wont
be the
same again..

Semestral break
is over
.

classes has
begun.

AND I
KNEW
I WAS
RIGHT.

..It has been almost three years since then, since my dull, boring life was greatly, drastically altered by a certain Mr nice guy. I never got the chance to see him again after that, but my friends claimed they still do, at random times, at random places. They'd tell me how he looks more handsome now. But unlike my old self three years ago, things about him doesnt interest me anymore.
The longing for the day that he would return my feelings no longer exists. Already a HAS BEEN. And everything which hurts me then seems like nothing but a distant past now. In mists, BLISSFULLY FORGOTTEN.


For i am no longer the girl who is stupidly longing for his affection. She was gone. a HISTORY.

Love do fades.
Absolutely.

..But until now, there would still be the times that ld sit and reminisce the bitter-sweet memories about the guy i used to call MR NICE GUY.. the guy who used to occupy a great part of me, the guy,who's up to now,is still oblivious about the fact that sometime in the past, he had drastically changed someone's life.

But unlike before, i can now think about him and his memories without any tinge of bitterness at all. For i can say now that i have already HEALED, that i was OVER
with my mad feelings for him.

For i've long

grown tired of

longing and waiting

for that certain STAR

to FALL into

my HANDS.

But then, i cant deny the fact that he would always be

a PART

OF ME,


a PART OF

MY LIFE


But he's no longer

a part of NOW,

nor wont be a

part of

TOMORROW,

JUST a

PART from

the PAST..