...
Realization flooded into me then like a cold gush of water that eventually left my skin cold and tingling. PAINFULLY NUMB. I came to realize how stupid it am to assume that he feels the same way too, that our feelings are mutual.

Now i know, he's just being friendly. He's gentlemanly gestures, he's sweet smiles are just natural to him and they mean nothing. So it was really absurd to assume something special about them.

It pains to notice but to her, i know it's quite different. Theyre not mere 'just-friends' gestures.

they were distinctly SPECIAL,
for they shoot SPARKS.

There was this one time that i cant forget how insanely jealous i had been upon seeing him sitting with her during our physics class.. how his eyes twinkle, how gleeful his laughs were and those sweet smiles on his lips..Its definitely different, like if it is a candy bar,his smile to me and the others would be like a pretzel barely coated in cocoa chocolate while that to her,it's so sweet it would be like the finest chocolate coated caramel dipped in sugar and honey.

i know that
it's CRAZY..

it's INSANE..

it's STUPID..

The feeling of bitterness
the feeling of self-pity
the feeling of loathing
and the pang of jealousy..

i cant help but feel these sort
of painful emotions while staring enviously at them, my eyes were stinging, already in the brink of tears. It took me a lot of effort to hold back those irrational, hot liquids from falling and try my hardest to look and sound genuinely unaffected when a friend leaned over me and whispered something about them.. But deep inside, i feel like a kid wailing on the floor.
It feels like my favorite and most cherished toy has been stolen or the thing i was saving money on and i so wanted to buy has been snatched by someone effortlessly and for free..It feels like my heart is being stabbed by hundreds of fine needles..

It's indeed painful,
LITERALLY.

I shook my head and realized how stupid i had been..how i once assumed that he is the one for me.. That we're meant..

WISTFUL THINKING...

i guess he would
ALWAYS BE LIKE THAT

a STAR that seems
so near and yet
so far....

but then with a hint of hope still burning in the deepest pit
of my heart, i continued waiting longingly for that star to fall into my hands..To bring back the light to my suddenly obscured, darkened world..

-SEMBREAK-

I miss him so much that it hurts..

During the
enrollment..
My eyes were busy looking for a sign of him when suddenly, i heard someone saying:


"Nagshift na c __ to Accountancy, enrolled na sya sa W-UP"

Those were words from our common friend. Her whispered voice was barely audible but it came like a roll of muffled thunder to my ears.

NO!
he cant be!

He made my heart broken,yes--so broken that it made me feel like i wont be able to love another guy the way i love him-- but still i am absolutely positive that i cant live my life without him,
without the light of his smiles
, without his constant presence, without my Mr Nice guy.


i know
my life,
without him,

from then
wont
be the
same again..

Semestral break
is over
.

classes has
begun.

AND I
KNEW
I WAS
RIGHT.

..It has been almost three years since then, since my dull, boring life was greatly, drastically altered by a certain Mr nice guy. I never got the chance to see him again after that, but my friends claimed they still do, at random times, at random places. They'd tell me how he looks more handsome now. But unlike my old self three years ago, things about him doesnt interest me anymore.
The longing for the day that he would return my feelings no longer exists. Already a HAS BEEN. And everything which hurts me then seems like nothing but a distant past now. In mists, BLISSFULLY FORGOTTEN.


For i am no longer the girl who is stupidly longing for his affection. She was gone. a HISTORY.

Love do fades.
Absolutely.

..But until now, there would still be the times that ld sit and reminisce the bitter-sweet memories about the guy i used to call MR NICE GUY.. the guy who used to occupy a great part of me, the guy,who's up to now,is still oblivious about the fact that sometime in the past, he had drastically changed someone's life.

But unlike before, i can now think about him and his memories without any tinge of bitterness at all. For i can say now that i have already HEALED, that i was OVER
with my mad feelings for him.

For i've long

grown tired of

longing and waiting

for that certain STAR

to FALL into

my HANDS.

But then, i cant deny the fact that he would always be

a PART

OF ME,


a PART OF

MY LIFE


But he's no longer

a part of NOW,

nor wont be a

part of

TOMORROW,

JUST a

PART from

the PAST..