I thought id easily get rid of the distracting feelings eventually. Thats just how it has always been for me anyway. But then I WAS WRONG. As days, weeks,months pass by, the then simple crush i have for him had eventually intensified to the point that it became an obsession. Obsession that i know wasn't healthy for me and yet i cant seemed to get over it, and i know I DONT WANT TO.
.


It was kind of a crazy for everyday, before leaving for school--like a silly girl inlove-- i'd make a list of signs for me to know if he's 'the one'. Signs which i know he could possibly do or possess, kinda crazy and stupid,eh?)

And everyday after school i'd put into writings whatever happened the whole day..small things like how he looks so cute in his checkered poloshirt, how his gelled hair complements his beautiful face,
how captivating his refreshing woody scent is, the every shift of his mood, the every look on his face that i managed to steal oblivious from him, how it made me utterly happy whenever i catch him randomly (maybe unconsciously) glancing at me,
and the small gentlemanly things that he do which absolutely put me in the verge of uncontained glee. These are all well-documented in my-- now this is going to be embarrassing--DIARY!
yes, diary. I just feel like everyday is worth treasuring and remembering THEN so i opt to have one.


Every now and then--just like an old cliché--upon opening my eyes in the morning and before closing them at night, he's there, running constantly on my mind.
The thoughts of him and the sound of his voice never fail to distract me too often than usual all throughout the day.


My 'used-to-drag-months' swiftly passed by..

A star gazing activity for our Physics class was scheduled
And I never imagined that It would be one of my most memorable and kilig-filled night ive ever had.

We arrived at the neust palayan
campus in the same jeepney.
Though he has his own circle of friends, he chose to sit with mine upon arriving there and
setting our things in the vast, grassy ground.

He seldom hang out with us, so eventhough hes not really a close friend of ours, it seems like hes genuinely comfortable hanging out with us already.
(err, Us minus I, i mean)

They talk about sort
of things.. He laughs with them
, teases them, throws jokes at them while there
i was,making
myself busy
playing games
on my mobile phone because
eventhough we had been
classmates for a couple of
months now i still cant
find myself when he's around. Im always
running out of words, struggling with my diction and trying hard to keep from stammering whenever the situation calls for me to talk to him.


Then darkness comes ..
we were there
basked under
the cloudless, star-filled
sky..

i was lying on hazel's tummy..
consciously aware of his presence, painfully aware of his every movement. Then i was caught in suprise when he sweetly asks her if he could also lie on her lap..

My heart suddenly went into somersault..that made him so near me. His head is in lined with my left arm and our shoulders were only inches away from each other..
i dont know but right at that certain moment on that particular sparkly night, i felt so...strangely, utterly happy.


"ui, peram
naman ng
celepono,"
he suddenly utters after
i momentarily check the time in my phone. I hand him my then nokia 6630 with a faint smile written on my face. He started fiddling with it..

"taas naman ng
Highscore na to..
Maibreak
nga
"
he brags

"cge nga.."
was my reply, with lips curved in a hardly suppressed smile. Hes just so adorable by half. I then started to feel more comfortable talking to him. And more secured because with the aid of the darkness, i know he won't be able to see how my smiles mirrored his. Or how my eyes glow while staring at his soft, expressive eyes. (i was positioned against the light so my face has been concealed)

Every now and then, he'd
Look at me and flashes his pearly whites while bragging
about his score. I cant forget
how happy i was that night, how my pulse races, how my heart thumps or how often i smile unconsciously to myself. Like a crazed.


I came to realize it right then,

i was already
fallin for
Mr Nice guy.
Almost halfway
there..
So i silently
kept my fingers crossed that our
feelings are
mutual..


Suddenly those gentlemanly things he has done to me came flashing and my wistful mind cant help but paint another color into them..

But then my
wistful
thinking
has ended
swiftly..
Like a dream that has been interrupted by a sudden, loud noise from the real world..

IN REALITY..

He started flirting with her .. the prettiest
girl in class..And dang it, they look
so perfect together.
And i knew it right then that i had already lost
the fight eventhough it hasnt yet started.